Vowza! (Numbers 26-30)

After the latest plague, God wants Moses to take inventory. Another census. At this stage in the game, there are 601, 730 Israelites. If God hadn’t hurled so many plagues at his people, they could ‘ve been China by now.

There’s a new kid on the block: Joshua. God wants Joshua to lead the congregation although he doesn’t get much more specific than that. Moses is probably getting nervous, feeling like Beyonce felt when Rihanna showed up (I wanted a better pop culture reference but this is the best I could come up with). Moses has got to die sometime and I suppose God should start grooming somebody else. Besides, we’re all getting a little bored of Moses. Seems to me he stopped doing cool stuff a while ago.

Numbers 30 focuses on the topic of vows – when they’re valid and when they’re not. A man’s vow to God is always sacred and should never be broken. A woman’s vow to God can be kiboshed by her father or husband if he thinks it’s a shitty vow. So if a woman says something like, “I make a promise to God to lose 10lbs by March” then the husband can say, “I like you chubby” and start bringing home tons of junk food like those delicious Viva Puffs (so annoying – am I right, ladies?). If a woman is a widow or divorced then her vows don’t count at all (because there’s no man around to approve or disapprove of them…?).

Published in: on March 5, 2011 at 3:56 am  Leave a Comment  
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