Don’t You Want Somebody to Stone? (Deuteronomy 11-14)

Don’t you need somebody to stone?

Wouldn’t you love somebody to stone?

You better find somebody to stone.

Ahem.

God really hates Egypt. He promises the Israelites that their awaited land will be way better than the so-called “iron furnace” and says that it is “a land the Lord your God cares for,” (Deu 11:12) implying that he does not care about other lands. Recent happenings in Japan might be seen to back up these harsh sentiments, Christian readers (of which I have none).

Anyways, as I said in the last post, Deuteronomy does not offer a lot of new information. I’m getting pretty bored here. The commandments are hammered home and there’s more talk about what you can and can’t eat. New on the list of animals you can eat: the (Sears &) roebuck. Game. Delicious. New on the list of animals you can’t: the little owl. Too bad. Doesn’t seem like a big deal; it’s just little, after all. And you can’t eat any animal you find dead (like roadkill) either. You can, however, give it to a non-Hebrew stranger to eat or, in the spirit of entrepreneurship, sell it to a foreigner. Genius.

Moving on, God wants anyone who presents him or herself as a prophet or “dreamer of dreams” (aren’t we all?) and tries to steer the Israelites away from their faith to be stoned. He’s pretty clear about this when he says, “you shall kill him; your hand shall be first against him to put him to death” (Deu 13:9). Well, not everyone can be first but I guess God wants everyone to be enthusiastic. Get into it, people.

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Published in: on March 13, 2011 at 9:04 pm  Leave a Comment  
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