You Say Party! God Says Die! (Deuteronomy 30-32)

God’s got some exciting news for Moses: it’s time for him to die. God wants Joshua (who is much more “with it”) to take over leading the Hebrews. Out with the old, in with the new, as the saying goes. Moses, after all, is pushing one hundred and twenty years old and probably keeps telling people the same old boring stories.

To smooth things over, God suggests a sing-a-long. Oh, yes. God imparts a really verbose, drawn-out song to Moses that he should use to bless his people before his death. To give them a pre-show before the main event. There’s no sheet music in the Bible but judging by the amount of pages the song covers, I can imagine that it’s about the same length and cadence of a typical Tori Amos tune. Remember how long her cover of Smells Like Teen Spirit was? It was like, twenty-two minutes long. In case it’s not as fresh in your memory as it is mine, here it is:

Kudos to you if you made it through the whole song. It is painful, painful. I forgot that Tori Amos starts almost every one of her songs with a sharp intake of breath, as if she’s given herself a paper cut. That said, I still adore “Cornflake Girl”.

Anyways, the song that God wants Moses to sing contains tons of threats if the Hebrews don’t obey his commandments and refers to God as – no kidding – “the Rock”. For example: “The Rock, his work is perfect/for all his ways are justice” (Deu 32:4). Have you ever tried to give yourself a nickname? It doesn’t usually work. In high school, I pushed pretty hard for “Tank” because I was suffering from a female version of the Napoleon complex. I was really the only one who ever used it.

Published in: on April 19, 2011 at 1:00 am  Leave a Comment  
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