Crossing the Jordan (Knight) (Joshua 3-5)

All this talk about crossing the Jordan river and entering the promised land keeps reminding me of Jordan Knight of New Kids on the Block (who later transformed themselves into the virtually unrecognizable NKOTB). I remember intensely liking Jordan at age ten. Most of the girls in my class liked Joey but I thought he looked kind of like a girl, which is common for teen heartthrobs according to a great book by Naomi Wolff entitled Promiscuities. Psychologists hypothesize that teen heartthrobs tend to look like girls because at a young age, girls are not mentally or emotionally prepared for sexual encounters with manly men (obviously). Things like chest hair scare them off. And if you think of it, what ten year-old had a poster of Burt Reynolds hanging on her closet door? I consider my youthful liking of Jordan Knight an indication that I was something of a Kim Cattrall in my Grade 4 class. Of course, that burgeoning sexuality came to a grinding halt when I moved to Cobourg and couldn’t get my lady boner up for homophobic, semi-literate hockey players.

Anyways, I’m supposed to be talking about the Bible. Joshua leads his people across the Jordan river, which God dries up, repeating what Moses did with the Red Sea but in a way less spectacular fashion. Joshua comes up with this lame ceremony involving twelve stones representing the twelve tribes and lays them down by the riverbed after the crossing. C’mon. If you’re celebrating something, you’ve got to provide snacks. I was at Goodlife today. They’re always putting out plates of sandwiches and fruit to celebrate something. Today there were some sausages cut up and speared with toothpicks that I got pretty excited about.

Joshua names their campsite Gilgal and gets to circumcising since they’ve been travelling for a while and have missed a few circumcisions. It is kind of a hard procedure to perform on foot.

Published in: on April 21, 2011 at 2:19 am  Comments (2)  
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2 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. I’m really loving this blog!
    I had to laugh at “NKOTB” – all the girls in school really did love Joey!
    I love Naomi Wolf- read the Beauty Myth about 2 years ago, every woman should read it. I must check out “Promiscuities.”

    • Yes, Promiscuities is a great read – it’s one part memoir, one part psychology, one part feminism. Naomi Wolff is such a fantastic writer and when I read this book (which must have been 7 or 8 years ago at least) I remember really connecting to some of the female-specific coming of age stuff. And then relating it back to my NKOTB obession.

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