Run Away! Run Away! (Joshua 8-9)

Well, it’s Easter so I’m at my parents’ house using their alarmingly slow computer. It’s taken me approximately fifteen minutes to turn it on and get to this page. Pretty amazing. I almost could have etched this post in stone by now.

So the last two chapters saw Joshua sack the city of Jericho. Now he’s after Hai. This time he decides to have little fun (it’s all so easy with God on your side after all) and lay an ambush. He sends a bunch of his men out to Hai, which draws out the enemy, and then has them turn and run away screaming in feigned fear like women (or so I imagine). As the tactically-challenged enemy chases them down, a bunch of other men burn the city down. Good work, boys. The king of Hai is subjected to being held in a gibbet, which I learned is a T-shaped structure used for public hanging. After he gives up the ghost, his body is thrown on a pile of stones outside the city as if to say, “Proper.”

A lot of people have died on Joshua’s watch. A lot. The Gabonites are wise to this and dress up like they’re travellers from afar (probably using wiry mustaches) and try to convince the Israelites to let them serve them (instead of kill them, which is what they’d do if they knew that they were from neighbouring lands). This doesn’t fool Joshua and he pulls a lame power trip by saying, “Yeah, well, since you lied to us, you have to serve us now,” to which the Gabonites reply, “Okay, that’s what we were going for anyways.” The Gabonites get to chop wood and carry water as their main chores, becoming much more muscle-y and attractive in the process, I’m sure. Take that.

Published in: on April 25, 2011 at 12:09 am  Comments (2)  
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2 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. The Bible said there will be mockers in the last days.
    Mary Kay Christensen

  2. The Bible said there woild be mockers in the last days.

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