Making an Example (Joshua 10-11)

Joshua is a real asshole. He’s kind of like that new boss who feels that everyone’s been slacking up until this point and it’s time to clean house. In my experience, new bosses give you a lot more meaningless work to do and impress upon you the need to socialize with your co-workers by going somewhere depressing for cheap margharitas on a week night.

Obviously, the Israelites are scaring the shit out of their neighbours (by killing a lot of people). So five kings from around town get together and try to overthrow them. This is a bad idea, since God is clearly on the side of the Israelites and fixes every single battle. They lose. Natch. Whoever isn’t killed by the Israelites’ sword is killed by the tons of stones that God hails down on the battlefield.

Joshua punishes the five kings by confining them to a cave. After starving them for while (no last meal?), he gets some of his men to kill them by stepping on their necks and crushing them. What a way to go. “Do not be afraid or dismayed,” Joshua says to the neck-crushers, “be strong and of good courage; for thus the Lord will do to all your enemies against whom you fight.” (Jos 10:23). Powerful words.

The idea of a last meal is fascinating to me. I looked up some information on last meals and found some of the following tidbits:

– Florida inmates on death row have a twenty dollar limit (cheap)

– Timothy McVeigh ate an ice cream sundae as his last meal (chilling)

– Victor Feguer asked for a single olive (chic)

Everytime I have a stand-out meal I wonder if that’s what I would pick as my last meal if I were on death row. This is what my menu would look like (thankfully, I’m not a Florida resident):

– naan

– oily eggplant

– beef tenderloin

– mushroom orechiette with cheddar cheese (aged four years)

– shrimp wrapped in bacon

– an entire chocolate cheesecake

– Viva Puffs (the remind me of the cottage)

– bottle of Malbec

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Published in: on April 26, 2011 at 1:37 am  Leave a Comment  
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