Got Yer Ark (Samuel 3-4)

At this time in the Bible, God apparently hasn’t been making very frequent appearances so when he calls upon Samuel, poor Samuel keeps thinking that it’s his priest friend Eli calling him. Eli has to tell him several times, “Yo – I didn’t call you. It’s not me, dude,” before Samuel finally figures it out, which doesn’t say much for his deductive reasoning skills.

When God manages to get a hold of Samuel’s attention he does a weird thing: he tells Samuel that he’s going to wreak vengeance on Eli’s house since Eli’s sons have been such grade-A bastards (they kept eating the sacrifices, remember?). This seems to me like something the bitchy high school alpha-girl tells her pudgy beta-friend to test the friend’s allegiance. “I’m going to ruin her – but don’t tell her, it’s gotta be a surprise. Wheat Thin?”.

In Samuel 4, the Israelites go to war again against the Philistines and are walloped by them. What’s worse is that the Philistines also steal the ark (which is kind of like the team mascot for the Israelites). Burn! This is bad news. I guess we can safely say that God’s not on their side right now. Two of Eli’s sons get killed in battle, leaving his pregnant daughter-in-law without a husband. She gives birth to a son and names him Ichabod (a name that only a rich, cognac-swirling hunchback recluse should have). Adolescence is not going to be easy for that kid.

Published in: on June 1, 2011 at 2:44 am  Leave a Comment  
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