Wipe the Sweatshop Off Your Brow (Kings 4-6)

Apparently, King Solomon is a pretty smart guy: “And God gave Solomon wisdom and understanding beyond measure… so that Solomon’s wisdom surpassed the wisdom of all the people of the east, and all the wisdom of Egypt… he was wiser than all other men, wiser than Ethan the Ezrahite, and Heman [even HE-MAN, who has the Power of Grayskull?], Calcol and Darda, the sons of Mahol; and his fame was in all the nations round about” (Kin 4:29-31).

King Solomon is also a big believer in forced labour.

He gets together with Hiram, king of Tyre, to build an ostentatious temple in the name of the Lord. And what does he need to do that? Answer: Strong backs. And what is his building material of choice?Answer: Stone. So Solomon and Hiram “raise[d] a levy of forced labour out of all Israel; and the levy numbered thirty thousand men” (Kin 5:13). To add to that man-power, they also acquire thousands of men who are given the job title of “burden-bearer”. Sounds like thirsty work.

God promises that if Solomon builds this temple he will “dwell among the children of Israel” (Kin 6:13). Is that incentive? It sounds sort of like a threat to me because it’s like a meddling parent suggesting they move in with their twenty-five year-old. Not cool, Dad.

It’s kind of a big deal that Solomon and Hiram are building this temple out of stone but it’s an even bigger deal that they overlay everything with gold – the vestibule, the solarium, the showers… it’s all golden. They also festoon it with cherubim (also overlaid with gold) which seems like a gay aesthetic. There are two kinds of people that I imagine to have lots of cherubs as part of their decor: gay men who only wear white pants and eccentric spinsters who are perpetually dressed for dinner.

I always thought the pink shirt showed confidence.

Published in: on June 25, 2011 at 4:12 pm  Leave a Comment  
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