Old Spice (Kings 8-10)

Solomon has impressed everyone by building a very ostentatious-looking House of the Lord with his gay lover Hiram of Tyre (“Oh, how I tire of you, Hiram. When did you become so positively bo-ring?”). It sounds pretty tacky to me. This throne, for example, is way over-the-top: “The king also made a great ivory throne, and overlaid it with the finest gold. The throne had six steps, and at the back of the throne was a calf’s head, and on each sise of the seat were arm rests and two lions standing beside the arm rests, withle twelve lions stood there, one on each end of a step on the six steps” (Kin 10:18-19). I think I’ve seen something similar in Little Italy. I hope it’s not a toilet. That’s even worse. So much for the message of humility and poverty. Well, I guess that doesn’t come until the New Testament. (Yes, I will take fresh ground diamonds on my hummus). 

Solomon has a reputation as being both really rich and really wise. Along comes the Queen of Sheba to check him out and see if he lives up to his reputation (“Queen of Sheba” reminds me of a name of that kind of cheap incense sold at dollar stores that has slightly erotic pictures on it… anyone?… anyone?). She asks him a whole bunch of really difficult questions (none of which are given any specificity… we just know that they’re super-hard… probably questions like, “Shellfish is to dining as consensual sex is to [marriage]”). He bests her and answers all of her questions satisfactorily. So she gives him lots of (Old) Spices as a reward. Good. He can built a wing to the House of the Lord for the sole purpose of spice-storage.

I think they meant "provoke your mind".

 

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Published in: on June 28, 2011 at 8:29 pm  Leave a Comment  
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