Gettin’ Shit Done (Kings 20-22)

In Kings 20, Israel goes to war with Syria, led by a guy named Benhadad. Despite the fact that they’re scarce in numbers (down to about seven thousand after the last plague), the Israelites trounce the Syrians, killing one hundred thousand of them in a single day. The Syrians are embarassed – rightfully so – and demonstrate this by surrendering themselves wearing “sackcloths on their loins and… ropes on their heads” (Kin 20:32). This cries “I’ll hang myself naked in front of you if this surrender doesn’t go smoothly”.

Kings 21 is an interesting episode. Ahab, king of Israel, decides that he wants a vineyard owned by this guy named Naboth. He wants to turn it into a vegetable garden. Very domestic. Very “I’ve just been through a rough divorce and need something to focus my energies on”. Naboth, naturally, protests. Furthermore, he says that God doesn’t want him to give up his vineyard. That’s tough to argue with. Ahab takes this issue back home, to his wife Jezebel, who we discovered had a healthy amount of sass in the last post. Jezebel is not having it. She takes the issue straight to the elders and convinces them to call upon Naboth under false pretenses (cursing God) and stone him to death, which they do. Vineyard? You’re welcome.

Israel continues to war with Syria and Ahab gets killed in battle. As predicted by a spooky prophet, dogs licked up his blood and then “harlots washed themselves in it” because apparently, there was puh-lenty to go around (Kin 22:38). Gross.

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Published in: on July 9, 2011 at 10:54 pm  Leave a Comment  
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