If You Want to Destroy My Sweater… (Kings 2 3)

Mesha, the king of Moab, is supposed to deliver to the king of Israel one hundred thousand lambs and the wool of one hundred thousand rams annually. But when a new king comes into power, Mesha is like, “Forget it”. So they go to war over… sweaters.

The new king, Jehoram implores Jehoshaphat, king of Israel in Samaria to help him out. Jehoshaphat has a really great line here, one that I’ll attempt to use in conversation in order to create an epic atmosphere in my life: “I am as you are, my people as your people, my horses as your horses” (Kin 2 3:7). Maybe I’ll just say, “My horses as your horses”. Short and sweet. I feel that uttering this line is something I have to do at least once in my life. That and make a citizen’s arrest.

The two Js call upon Elisha because he’s regarded as kind of a prophet. Before he can do any prophesizing though, he calls for a minstrel. Thinking music, I guess. Then he tells them of their rosy future: “…and you shall conquer every fortified city, and every choice city, and shall fell every good tree, and stop up all springs of water, and ruin every good piece of land with stones” (Kin 2 3:19). Sounds positively American. God bless.

Predictably, the Israelites defeat the Moabites. In desperation, the king of Moab offers up his son for a burnt sacrifice at the bottom of the ninth (“Dad! You’re ruining my life! Literally. Stomp. Stomp. Stomp.”)

Citizen's Arrest: Not Just for Squares Anymore.

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Published in: on July 19, 2011 at 2:47 am  Leave a Comment  
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