Darryl (Kings 2 13-14)

I can’t imagine that the Bible would be published as is had it been written in modern times. I’m sure the editor would have wanted it “punched up” or the major love story to be “fleshed out”.

I thought it might be a good idea to get by bearings in terms of who’s who before moving forward since not much is bloody happening. 

Here we go:

Recent kings of Israel: Jehu then Jehoahaz then Jehoash

Recent kings of Judah: Ahaziah then Joash then Amaziah

Actually, that wasn’t so bad.

Anyways, in the meantime, Elisha, self-proclaimed “man of God”, kicks it. At his funeral, a “marauding band” passes by (Vikings?) and “the man was cast into the grave of Elisha; and as soon as the man touched the bones of Elisha, he revived and stood on his feet” (Kin 2 13:21). Here’s an example of truly bad writing in the Bible (oh, how it sticks in my craw). What exactly is going on here? I guess we can assume “the man” was one of the marauders but was either already dead or punished to death by the Israelites (in a hasty fashion, apparently, since they were in the process of trying to enjoy a funeral). We can also assume that it took them a while to organize the funeral (“Who said they would bring Dixie cups again?”) since Elisha’s corpse had been reduced to bones. Poor form. I’m sure Elisha expected more of a production and a really great turn-out as well. This is what we all want in the end, isn’t it? A really great turn-out at our funerals? There’s a scene in Strangers with Candy with my favourite character, Geoffrey Jellineck, is talking to a student who’s contemplating suicide after the suicide of another suicide. Mr. Jellineck goes on and on about how great the turn-out was at that other student’s funeral and how bad everyone must have felt for mistreating him. I wish I could find that clip. Instead I found the best of Geoffrey Jellineck (Paul Dinello). Enjoy:

“I’ve gotta run; but as soon as you’re ready to talk about your family problems to an art teacher, you can call me.” (1:36 into the clip)

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Published in: on July 30, 2011 at 1:28 pm  Leave a Comment  
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