It’s a Boy! (Chronicles 1-4)

I was really looking forward to Chronicles because I thought it was chock-full of all those predictions that people like Nostradamus kept on about. The first four chapters consist of long lists: so-and-so was so-and-so’s son and so on and so forth. Yawn. Basically, the sons of Israel, David and Simeon (who?) are listed in detail. Usually, I’m a girl who loves lists (I make a “To Do” list almost every day, even on a Sunday, and get an incredible charge when I check something off) but these lists are bo-ring. 

There are some interesting facts that pop up, however. For example:

– Abraham had a concubine named Keturah, who bore him six children (then had to do her Kegels to keep her post)

– Caleb had sex with his mother, Ephrathah, and she bore him Ashur (whose father was also his brother and whose mother was also his grandmother)

– Jabez’ mother named him as such because “[she] bore him in pain” (Chr 4:9)… if you pronounce “Jabez” as one syllable and make the “z” soft then it makes sense

Giving birth is one of the most terrifying things to me. That and getting eaten by a Great White Shark like Robert Shaw’s character in Jaws. My pal Summeroni (nickname) was in town visiting this week with her new baby boy, August. She had pictures on her iPhone of August coming out of her vagina. I was horrified. She was pretty casual about it. Remember the days when the dads stood out in the hallway, pacing and handing out cigars to everyone? Let’s bring those days back.

"We're going to need a bigger boat."

Published in: on August 20, 2011 at 1:48 am  Leave a Comment  
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