Crushed Velvet (Chronicles 5-8)

I’m trying to plough through the first ten chapters of Chronicles because it’s just list after list. It’s so boring that I can’t help but hear the text in the voice of the guy who played Ferris’ teacher in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. 

I’m not sure what to make of the first few lines of chapter five: “The sons of Rueben the first-born of Israel (for he was the first-born; but because he polluted his father’s couch, his birthright was given to the sons of Joseph the son of Israel…” (Chr 5:1). Gross. I hope it wasn’t an expensive couch. Guess it found its way to Goodwill. I once bought a really nice cushy chair from Goodwill for $15. It was covered in blue crushed velvet. Crushed velvet. I had an extended conversation with a gal pal last night and we both agreed that the fabric had played an important role in our adolescence. She had been a Goth; I had been a figure skater. Polar opposites brought together by a spectacularly unflattering fabric.

The rest of the chapters run down the descendents of Gad, the Levites, Issachar and Benjamin. The only other slightly amusing thing that comes up is that Machir, the father of Gilead, acquires wives for these two guys named Huppim and Shuppim, who I imagine to be two middle-aged beedles living together in the male equivalent of a Boston marriage. If you don’t know what a Boston marriage is, it’s was a term used in the nineteenth and twentieth centuries to describe two women living together without the financial support of a man. Not necessarily lesbians but – hey – who doesn’t sometimes get cold at night, right?

A fantastic resource for the history of Boston marriages. Yes - I've read it.

Published in: on August 22, 2011 at 12:40 am  Leave a Comment  
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