Help Wanted (Chronicles 9-11)

Now that all the genealogies have been outlined (in painful detail if you’re reading the Bible, in broad, hasty brushstrokes if you’re reading this blog), something can finally happen. Terrific.

The first thing that happens in Chronicles 9 is all sorts of boring jobs get delegated. Here are some of them:

– gatekeepers: these folks guard the different meeting places and are placed on the north, south, east, and west sides (like its The Craft)

– singers: these folks were on duty “day and night” in case anybody was itching to hear some covers at 4am

– people in charge of utensils: I’m not even sure they had a full table setting established in biblical times so I guess these folks had to specialize in “the art of looking busy”

– people in charge of, specifically, “holy utensils”: I bet these folks were really snobby to the people in charge of the regular utensils

– people in charge of flat cakes: these folks were probably boring

In Chronicles 10, the Israelites go the war with the Philistines and, to be honest, I don’t know if this is new information or another recap. Regardless, the Israelites fair poorly (having no doubt been distracted by the Philistines waving copies of US Weekly at them) and Saul, who’s in charge, decides the dignified thing to do is to commit suicide. So he “fell on a sword and died” (Chr 10:5). It’s kind of unclear if God is upset by the suicide because it says only that “Saul died for his unfaithfulness; he was unfaithful to the Lord in that he did not keep the command of the Lord, and also consulted a medium, seeking guidance” (Chr 10:13). I don’t think that one can read “unfaithfulness” as representing suicide since he “died for his unfaithfulness”. That would be like saying “he killed himself because he killed himself”. It’s pretty interesting that the whole suicide thing is just passed over.

Anyway, David shows up on the scene and becomes king over Israel. He and a bunch of his buddies head down to Jerusalem (a happening place) and the people there say, “You will not come in here” (Chr 11:5). Hospitality is not their forte. David, not exactly known for rolling with the punches, takes the stronghold of Zion and makes it his pad. This is easy for him because he has a lot of friends with beefy arms.

I forget who introduced me to Homestar Runner in university but I STILL find it funny.

Published in: on August 24, 2011 at 12:04 am  Leave a Comment  
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