Things Just Got Handsome in Here (Chronicles 12)

I must give credit where credit is due: the above title is one of my gal pal Andrea’s favourite expressions, used frequently to mark the entrance of an attractive male into whatever watering hole we’re lingering at.

Chronicles 12 details David’s army and things do get handsome. The dudes sound tasty. Firstly, they’re men in uniform so that’s a good start. What’s more, they’re ambidextrous bowmen who can “shoot arrows and sling stones with either the right or the left hand” (Chr 12:2). What else can they do with both hands? Oh, my…

In addition to being ambidextrous, the dudes have “faces like lions” and are “swift like gazelles upon the mountains” (Chr 12:8). When I read this, I immediately thought of that late 80s show Beauty and the Beast starring Linda Hamilton before she had those wicked shredded delts. Looking back, I remember that Beauty and the Beast gave me “feelings” as a pre-pubescent youngster, sitting in her parents’ basement and watching television in her gymnastics leotard. At the time, all I knew was that I really, really wanted to watch it.

Looks aside, these dudes get shit done. They have a “singleness of purpose” (Chr 12:33) in making David king. And – they’re organized: “All these, men of war, arrayed in battle order, came to Hebron with full intent to make David king over all Israel” (Chr 12:38). Fantastic.

The best thing about these dudes, however, is that they travel with snacks (snacks that aren’t just unleavened bread). No. They bring “cakes of figs, clusters of raisins, and wine and oil” (Chr 12:40). Class acts all the way.

Sexy.

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Published in: on August 27, 2011 at 11:03 pm  Leave a Comment  
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