Not All Child Stars Turn Out to Be Neuroscientists (Chronicles 22-26)

I think that everybody’s got one friend who is lacking in the memory department and insists on telling you the same story multiple times. I feel that the Bible has become that friend to me. I’m positive that I’ve been over some of this stuff before but for whatever reason, it’s being rehashed.

King David is building the house of God but, knowing that he’s getting on in years, passes the task to his son Solomon. Building the house of God is like having Wal-Mart come to your hometown: there are a ton of new jobs for the taking. Builders, officers, judges, gatekeepers and musicians who are supposed to “offer praises to the Lord with the instruments… made for praise” (Chr 23:5). What instruments are made specifically for praise? I’m guessing the oboe’s not one of them.

The sons of Asaph and Heman land the most interesting jobs. They’re tasked with prophesizing with musical instruments; in particular, the lyre, harp and cymbals. I don’t know how they produce prophesies with instruments but I bet it’s kind of like jazz and they can do whatever and no one will question it for fear of looking like an idiot. This is why I laugh at any and all attempts at political humour. Heman, as it turns out, is a seer, although not a bad one. There’s a fuzzy line in the Bible when it comes to the business of seeing into the future. Sometimes it’s sinning and sometimes it’s not. Whatever. Heman has fourteen sons and three daughters and all of them are musically gifted so Heman is put in charge of turning them into a biblical version of “The Partridge Family”. Terrible idea. It’s definite that one will develop a substance abuse problem while another will develop an eating disorder. Child stars rarely mature into well-adjusted adults, with the exception of Blossom.


Published in: on September 5, 2011 at 11:39 pm  Leave a Comment  
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