Tired of Getting Sand Kicked in Your Face? (Chronicles 2 13-15)

A guy named Abijah begins to reign over Judah and comes up against Jeroboam who, next to Satan, seems to be one the Bible’s antagonists. Jeroboam is so bad that Abijah feels inclined to stand on a mountain and shout into the wind, “Hear me, O Jeroboam and all Israel! Ought you not to know that the Lord God over Israel gave the kinship to Israel for ever to David and his sons by a covenant of salt?” (Chr 2 13:4-5). This is a very indirect way of communicating. I’ve tried many-a-time to resolve my issues with others via the wind and it doesn’t work, people. It doesn’t work. You need face time.

And… what’s a covenant of salt? Is it that thing people do when they toss spilled salt over their left shoulders? Because that’s wishing. I know this because my Nana was a fanatic for it. That and Three’s Company. We used to watch it on full volume when I visited on account of her poor hearing.

Abijah and Jeroboam eventually go to war and it’s pretty clear whose side God is on. Abijah’s forces smush (technical military terminology) those of Jeroboam. Then it’s time for another round of cleaning house. All the false idols get chucked and all the trees standing in a circle get chopped down (take that Lillith Fair… I don’t know – the association here is pretty clear in my mind).

Next, this Ethiopian leader named Zerah gets up in Asa’s (Abijah’s successor) business. Now, I could have told you this would be an easy win. Those guys are pretty skinny and they only eat lentils and squishy bread (such is my impression). The Ethiopians get sand kicked in their faces, so to speak. I used to love those old Charles Atlas ads in the back of Archie comics (which were built on the assumptions that a real man stands up for himself by throwing punches and that women like it).

Asa and his gang are pretty hardcore: “And they entered into a covenant to seek  the Lord, the God of their fathers, with all their heart and with all their soul; and that whoever would not seek the Lord, the God of Israel, should be put to death, whether young or old, man or woman” [italics added] (Chr 2 15:13). Hmm. Is that a good thing?

Skinny?! Why, thank you!

Published in: on September 28, 2011 at 2:08 am  Leave a Comment  
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