Hope You Like Lamb (Chronicles 2 30)

Hezekiah decides to throw a big party for Passover and invite all of Israel and Judah to celebrate in the house of the Lord. He sends out a lengthy proclamation that is essentially a threat. In it, he implores the invitees: “Do not now be stiff-necked as your fathers were, but yield yourselves to the Lord… that his fierce anger may turn away from you” (Chr 2 30:8). Not exactly straight out of Emily Post’s Etiquette. Well, can I bring anything? How about a fruit platter?  

Lamb, apparently, is the only thing on the menu next to gross, tasteless unleavened bread. I wouldn’t mind that, personally, since lamb falls under the category of “Meats I Never Cook Myself and Shall Always Order if on the Menu”. What’s more problematic is that many of the guests did not sanctify themselves and therefore special arrangements have to be made. Showing up unsanctified to a feast is the biblical equivalent of being that annoying vegan in a restaurant who makes the server go back to the kitchen seventeen times to check on the ingredients in the mayonnaise in their wrap. If it’s real mayonnaise then I can’t have it because it probably has egg but if it’s second-rate mayonnaise then it’s probably canola-oil based and I can have it… can you check with the kitchen to see if your restaurant uses second-rate vegan mayonnaise? Thanks so much! I can make fun of vegans in this way because I used to be one (for eleven [wasted] years).

Because some of the guests are unsanctified upon arrival the Levites (also known as slaves) have to kill extra lambs. What a pain. Surpisingly, the Passover party is a big hit despite the limited menu and Hezekiah keeps it going for an extra seven days. Seven DAYS! This amazes me since I always give myself a little pat on the back everytime I make it past midnight at a party. That’s why I could never live in Montreal. I went to visit my friend Kelly there and couldn’t get over the fact that people only started rolling in at eleven o’clock. But that time I was nearly done. Heavens – I had already had ONE FULL GLASS OF RED WINE.

The only thing silencing this lamb is its own deliciousness.

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Published in: on October 19, 2011 at 9:30 pm  Leave a Comment  
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