How to be a Crazy Bitch (Psalms 31-40)

This set of psalms follow the general trend: David thanks God for helping him with stuff while imploring God to punish the people who screw him over. Tattletaling, basically. This comes as no surprise to me since I find that the most Christian-y Christians are pretty darn judgemental (“Okay, maybe eight abortions is one too many”).

All of the psalms have a header and the one atop Psalm 34 caught my eye:

A Psalm of David, when he feigned madness before Abimelech so that he drove him out, and he went away.

In my experience, pretending to be bat-shit crazy is almost always an effective strategy.

Back in the day when I was sort of an actor, I did these lame murder mystery gigs. Long story short, I prop gun fell on my face, leaving me sporting an impressive black eye. I was in a subway station and some jerk-off stepped on the back of my heels because I wasn’t walking fast enough (apparently). When I turned to see what his deal was, I got this: “Walk much?”. Not cool. Since I have whatever the female version of the Napoleon complex is, I decided to double-back and cut him off in front of the subway doors. He. Freaked. Out. While he was screaming at me, I removed my hat to show off my black eye and calmly asked, “Are we gonna do this?” then thrust my sternum quickly upward in what krumpers would call a chest pump. He walked away thinking – I’m assuming – that I was a loose cannon. Check. Mate.


Published in: on June 1, 2013 at 9:35 pm  Leave a Comment  
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