A Womb with a View (Psalms 100-113)

I hope you got a kick out of this play on words as much as I did.

I’ve been plugging along, reading various psalms that exalt God’s goodness and power, and came across this gem:

“Who is like the Lord our God/who is seated on high/who looks far down/upon heavens and the earth?/He raised the poor from the dust/and lifts the needy from the ash heap/to make them sit with princes/with the princes of his people/He gives the barren woman a home/making her the joyous mother of children/Praise the Lord!” (Psalm 113:5-9) [my italics]

I find children somewhat distasteful. In my observation, they seem to be needy individuals and make for very poor problem solvers. I have no interest in negotiating another person’s meals, bedtime, or jacket choice in my lifetime. This past weekend I was in the grocery store and overheard this slice of parenting:

Child: “Why can’t I get ice cream?”

Parent: “Because you don’t own your own home and make your own money.”

Enough said. I wish I’d high-fived that parent.

As a woman who, in Margaret Cho’s words, “ovulates sand,” I get a kick out of anything linking a woman’s essential happiness with having children. I cannot relate. Even in biblical times there must have been women who didn’t want children. What about the figurative woman in Psalm 13? First, she’s given a home. Cool. Second, she’s knocked up. Not so cool. I bet she was like, “What the hell’s in this water?”.

Published in: on July 18, 2013 at 1:23 am  Leave a Comment  
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Take That, Eckhart Tolle (Judges 13-14)

God punishes the Israelites for all the mischief they’ve been getting into by handing them over to the Philistines (who force them to read Us magazine, eat in food courts and listen to Top 40 hits).

Along comes a man named Manoah. His wife is barren. An angel of God drops in and tells her, “Behold, you are barren and have no children,” (Jud 13:3) which sounds like something the awkward guy in the office says only to keep a laboured conversation going. Well, not to worry because the angel informs her that she’ll have a son. Manoah and his wife ask the angel what his name is and he side-steps the question by asking, “Why do you ask my name, seeing it is wonderful?” (Jud 13:18). This is a great line to use at a bar when you’re talking to someone that you haven’t the faintest interest in.

Manoah and his wife name their son Samson. When he’s all grown up, he tells his dad, “I saw one of the daughters of the Philistines at Timnah; not get her for me as my wife” (Jud 14:2). Most ladies would view this as sexist but I find it refreshing, personally. It’s good to be pro-active, don’t you think? Anyways, Samson heads into town to see this girl and runs into a lion (get ready for some weirdness). The lion roars at him but fortunately, “the Spirit of Lord came mightily upon him, and he tore the lion asunder, as one tears a kid” (Jud 14:6). So that’s why evangelical churches are always having “barbeques”. No matter. Samson finds his girl and takes her as his wife. On their way back, they come across the lion carcass, which is swarming with bees. To Samson’s delight, the bees have made honey in the carcass so he scoops up a bunch to take home to share. Now, I’m no amateur beekeeper but I’m pretty sure this doesn’t happen regularly in nature.

At the wedding reception, Samson poses a riddle to his guests:

“Out of the eater came something to eat/

Out of the strong came something sweet” (Jud 14:14).

This is kind of a twisted way of telling his guests that he killed a lion and rooted around for honey in its decaying carcass. And that they’re eating it now. The guests, many of whom are Philistines, go a little crazy trying to guess the correct answer so they persuade Samson’s wife to find out and tell them. She does and when Samson finds out, he hits the roof because he takes riddles very, very seriously. He kills all the men she’s told and forsakes her, giving her to his best buddy. I’m sure she’s okay with this.

Published in: on May 21, 2011 at 8:55 pm  Leave a Comment  
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