Hero in a Half-Shirt (Chronicles 19-20)

Longstanding enemies of the Israelites, the Ammonites have a new king, Hanun. King David decides to pay his respects by sending messengers offering condolences on the passing of the previous king. Seems innocent enough, but some of the Ammonites are convinced that they’re spies and get Hanun to come down hard on them. Here’s what he does: “So Hanun took David’s servants, and shaved them, and cut off their garments in the middle, at their hips, and sent them away” (Chr 19:4). I understand the bit about shaving (which wouldn’t be so bad a punishment given the desert heat) but I don’t understand the bit about the garments. There are two possibilities here, as I see it: either they’re naked from the waist down (weird) or they’re wearing half-shirts (awesome).

Anyways, the Israelites get pissed off by being half-shirted and go to war with the Ammonites. The Israelites are on a winning streak until the Philistines get all up in their business again. The Philistines, I’ll have you know, have a little trick up their sleeves: giants. Indeed. One of my favourites things about the Bible is the regular and offhanded mention of giants. Just another reason why it should be read literally by the good folks in middle America and Texas (actually, I’ve always wanted to go to Texas and do a tour of the child pageant circuit and megachurches where preachers have to wear headsets; I’d also like to see a bunch of parents freak out a high school football game). Here’s what’s going on with the giants: “And there was a war again at Gath, where there was a man of great stature, who had six fingers on each hand, and six toes on each foot, twenty-four in number; and he also was descended from the giants. And when he taunted Israel, Jonathan the son of Shimea, David’s brother, slew him” (Chr 20: 6-7). I guess he wasn’t that quick on his feet. No hustle.

Amazingly, this ad is trying to sell this shirt on a model who's posed like a meth addict.

Published in: on August 31, 2011 at 10:01 pm  Leave a Comment  
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