I Write the Psalms (That Make the Whole World Psing) (Psalms 1-6)

It’s been over a year since my last crack at the Bible. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever come back to Atheist Bible Study but I hate not finishing things, a trait of mine that’s most pronounced when a generous helping of anything is put in front of my gob.

I also heard that the Psalms are kind of sexy.

Most of the Psalms are supposedly written by King David, who didn’t have enough on his plate ruling over all of Israel. It’s a pretty small country after all. I think it’s cool that he took some time out of enacting laws and quashing rebellions and hucking stones at giants to indulge his artistic inclinations. Remember how Bill Clinton played the sax? That was pretty cool. I once convinced a dude at a party that the sax solo in M83’s “Midnight City” was Bill Clinton’s. I really get a kick out of flat-out lying to people.

Psalms 1-6 aren’t sexy; they’re whiny. What I got out of them was the following (slightly paraphrased): “Hey, God. You’re powerful. I’m not. People are always picking on me. Can you make them stop or at least feel kind of bad?”. I based my interpretation on passages like: “I am weary with my moaning/every night I flood my bed with tears/I drench my couch with my weeping/My eye wastes away because of my grief/it grows weak because of all my foes” (Psalms 6:6-7). It does indeed read “eye” and not “eyes”. I guess that makes it even more pitiful. Having one eye is definitely worse than having two eyes. 

I’m glad I’m doing some worthwhile writing again.

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Published in: on May 19, 2013 at 10:09 pm  Leave a Comment  
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I Write the Psalms (That Make the Whole World Psing) Psalms 1-6

It’s been over a year since my last crack at the Bible. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever come back to Atheist Bible Study but I hate not finishing things, a trait of mine that’s most pronounced when a generous helping of anything is put in front of my gob.

I also heard that the Psalms are kind of sexy.

Most of the Psalms are supposedly written by King David, who didn’t have enough on his plate ruling over all of Israel. It’s a pretty small country after all. I think it’s cool that he took some time out of enacting laws and quashing rebellions and hucking stones at giants to indulge his artistic inclinations. Remember how Bill Clinton played the sax? That was pretty cool. I once convinced a dude at a party that the sax solo in M83’s “Midnight City” was Bill Clinton’s. I really get a kick out of flat-out lying to people.

Psalms 1-6 aren’t sexy; they’re whiny. What I got out of them was the following (slightly paraphrased): “Hey, God. You’re powerful. I’m not. People are always picking on me. Can you make them stop or at least feel kind of bad?”. I based my interpretation on passages like: “I am weary with my moaning/every night I flood my bed with tears/I drench my couch with my weeping/My eye wastes away because of my grief/it grows weak because of all my foes” (Psalms 6:6-7).

It does indeed read “eye” and not “eyes”. I guess that makes it even more pitiful. Having one eye is definitely worse than having two eyes. 

I’m glad I’m doing some worthwhile writing again.

 

 

Published in: on May 19, 2013 at 10:01 pm  Leave a Comment  
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God’s Ghost Friends (Chronicles 2 16-18)

Chronicles 2 is a recap and I should probably remember what went down. But I don’t. What I’ve gathered this second time round is that Asa is king over Judah and during his reign he makes a pact with the king of Syria and gives his some gifts directly from the house of the Lord, which basically is regifting. I’ve regifted once – someone gave me one of those word magnet sets that you put on your fridge and make sentences with. People who have been identified as having a large vocabulary often get gifts of this nature. But we don’t have time to stand in front of our fridges and play with magnets because we’re too busy reading, people.

Jehoshaphat is next in line to rule over Judah and up until this point, he has done no jumping whatsoever. But he keeps things interesting by picking a fight with Ramothgilead. Ahab, king of Israel, joins him in this conquest. But in a weird way. Here’s what goes down, according to some guy named Micaiah, who tells Jehoshaphat: “I saw the Lord sitting on his throne, and all the host of heaven standing on his right hand and on his left; and the Lord said, ‘Who will entice Ahab the king of Israel, that he may go up and fall at Ramothgilead?’ And one said one thing, and another said another. Then a spirit came forward and stood before the Lord saying, ‘I will entice him.’ And the Lord said to him, ‘By what means?’ And he said, ‘I will go forth, and will be a lying spirit in the mouth of all his prophets.’ And he said, ‘You are to entice him, and you shall succeed; go forth and do so.'” (Chr 2 18:18-21).

Two questions arise: one – where did this ghost come from and why is he keen to do God’s dirty work? and two – why is lying – one of the Ten Commandments – okay here? Now that I think of it, God has lied a few times. Most notably when he lied to Abraham about having to sacrifice his son in order to prove his faith (gotcha!). That was a whopper.

Published in: on September 30, 2011 at 1:45 am  Leave a Comment  
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