Judges, directed by Francis Ford Coppola (Judges 2-3)

I’m really liking Judges so far. There’s a lot of action. This is fitting since blockbuster season is fast approaching (Thor anyone? I hear it’s good).

In Judges 2, God gets pretty pissy about the Israelites “play[ing] the harlot” and worshipping other gods, in particular those of the Baals and the Asheroth (Jud 2:17). As a punishment, he takes away their power, leaving them at the mercy of Cushanrishathaim, king of Mesopotamia, who they go on to serve for eight years, and then Eglon, king of Moab, who they serve for eigtheen…

…until they just couldn’t take it anymore…

[read the above in the kind of baritone made possible only by hormone therapy]

A left-handed man (notable) named Ehud steps up for the Israelites, fashions a double-edged sword and requests a private audience with Eglon. Eglon, a very fat man (notable), doesn’t see anything unusual about Ehud asking that all his servants leave the room because he has a “secret message” for him (Jud 3:19). Dumb. Clearly, he has never seen any movie about the mafia. Messages are almost always bad. So here’s what happens: “And Ehud reached with his left hand, took the sword from his right thigh and thrust it into his belly; and the hilt also went in after the blade, and the fat closed over the blade, for he did not draw the sword out of his belly; and the dirt came out” (Jud 3:21-22). The dirt came out? Must be a metaphor emphasizing God’s disapproval of the overweight.

Unlike God, I adore the overweight. Particularly in the milieu of reality television. While at my parents’ for Easter, I came across a show that takes compulsive overeaters (also known as fat people), anorexics and bulimics and makes them stay on a ranch called “Shades of Hope” and encourages them to “talk it out”. Jackpot. It’s all overseen by a woman who is clearly not a therapist but is really good at giving hugs and nodding emphathetically. This show is the best because the anorexics and bulimics think the compulsive overeaters are disgusting and the compulsive overeaters think the anorexics and bulimics are crazy. Naturally there is watchable conflict, which is eventually solved by bringing everyone together in what looks like a kindergarten classroom and having them using a lot of “I feel” statements to communicate.

Check this out:

The best part is the shot of the owner of “Shades of Hope” driving a golf cart with purpose (and not setting a good example at all).